Thoughts of the werewolf.

This is just to get it started. I would post more but I am being forced to post in BA. So i will post more later.

Meh. =P

Oh, no you didn't. lol

Yes, I believe I just.did.

I don't know really how to say how I feel because I'm not sure how I feel.
I know in my heart everything is ok, but at the same time I'm scared. I'm not sure how much of that might have to do with what my Grandmother is saying. I know she is just conserned but I'm trying my best to Just trust God And not worry, but what she is saying and some of the things going on isn't helping.
I feel like I'm trying to help people, but the person I love most I can't seem to help and it's killing me.
I'm even sort of nervous about writing this out of fear it will get back to someone and make things even worse.
I feel alone even in a room full of people. one of the problems I have a problem that makes me feel like a freak but there is nothing I can do. I feel so, very weak.
Everytime I try to talk to someone they either are to busey or don't know what to say.
When I tell my Grandmother I can't take much more she says "oh, yeah you can" or "You don't know how to do this right . I know I don't, but neither she or my Dad (Grandfather) Will tell me what I'm suposed to do. I try my best. My Dad just says trust God. I do trust God. I know he will come through, but you know I would just like some help encouragement, something.

I'm very sorry you feel this way, bro. And I'm even more sorry that I never know what to say about it. But there's nothing that really can be said besides trust in God and wait it out... You wait out every storm in every situation. You can stop the rain from getting in the house, but after that, the storm is there and there's nothing you can do to change it. You can only wait for it to be over. That's pretty much how it is in this situation... Wait until the time is up, and then you'll be through it and onto brighter days. And of course, constant prayer is needed, but I know you know that.
I'm sorry I can't really help.. =/

Hey it's ok. I wasn't meaning it like that. You have helped me alot.

I still can't take away the pain or make time speed up for you.

I feel just about as helpless with you as my friends feel with me..

I will really be glad when this week is over. Because maybe, hopefully things will return to normal well my kinda normal anyway. Which I guess to everyone else doesn't look normal at all. Why am I ready for this week to be over you ask? Because maybe once it's over I can actualy talk to the women I love more than I have lately which is almost none.
I know she is just really busey with school and everything, but those words my Grandmother told me keep playing over in my mind, and it is driving me crazy.
You know, I do not believe that after God has brought me and her this far that he would let us lose eachother over just not being able to talk for a while.
Well I got to go. Talk to you guys later.

I don't believe He would either. Things will be okay. Just keep praying and have hope.

Well today I got a friends request on my facebook from the last person in the world I would exspect or really want a friends request from.
I wouldn't mind being his friend but everytime he talks to me or anything it leads to troubul.
I really hope it's not that way this time, but something in my gut kinda says it is..

follow your instinct... the gut feeling are normally right...
trusting yourself is always good.
so if you want to try and talk to him..
at least remain guarded.
that way when trouble is about to hit you are not heading straight for disaster.

Oh, God Please remember your promise to me.
Everything feels like it's falling apart. I know that what God promised will come to pass, but I really wish he would hurry.
I am to the place now I can hardly breath Because I'm honestly kinda scared.
My Grandmother keeps telling me to talk or I will lose, but how can I talk when the one I want and need to talk to will never talk to me?
I'm just almost at the end of of my rope here.

Do you send her longer messages or e-mails? That's what I used to do when I was with Aaron and it really worked. You need to do something like that. Or even better, write her letters. On paper. Those are great and draw you closer to each other.

I can't even seem to exspress how I feel.
I feel hurt for one thing. She says I hurt her and that she needs some time So, I let her go, and what does she do she goes around like everything is just normal While I sit here hurting wishing things were like they used to be.

Why do I always end up feeling like such a fool?

Oiii... it sounds like you are stuck in a bad problem even though i dont know the whole story... im sorry for what is happening to you. but you ae not a fool. if you dont mind me asking, why would you feel like one?....

*sigh...* I don't understand why all of this is happening to you, bro. You definitely deserve better. I wish I could take it all away and fix it all.. But I'm always here for you. You know that.

I honestly want out of here. I feel like there is nothing for me here. My Dad just seems to make fun of my break up, and all my grandmother does is watch the news and game shows all day.
It seems like no one cares. I know that's really not true because I do have a few friends who care, and I don't know what I would do with out them.
But now I find out that one my friends here who I consider my big sister might be very sick, but I'm really hoping and praying the tests show nothing is wrong.
I just feel like everything is falling apart.
I feel like if I don't get out of this house for a while I'm going to scream, but I have no where to go.
She talks about panic attacks from all the stress, but I feel like I'm literaly going to snap I don't know how much more I can take.
Where is Jasper when you really need him??

*deep breath* wow..... Jake look im so sorry...

well I guess I really am like Jacob. Maybe that's why he is my favorit person in all the books next only to Bella.
it sure does seem like he and I go through close to the same thing, and I'm telling you if I start morphing into a wolf or seeing vampires I'm checking myself into the funny farm because then it will just be too real. lol
But really if I am so, much like Jacob then where is my Renesmee? I know they say just wait and you will find her, but what if I already found her, but I waited to long and now lost her for good?

You havent You will know when you have found the right person it will just strike you like lightening And this perosn if they dont want to be with you than its their problem ant they just dont realize that than they are missing out on a great guy.... i mean even though i dont know you much at all... i know a good person when i see em around long enough (like on this web for instance)... so yeah.. and i hope everything works out for Jacob, i know you will find your Renesmee one day.. I know how it feels to miss that part of you. I miss a Jacob part in me and everything is just sucky.. but it will get better for you i know it will. =p Time and Faith.

I really hope your right.
anyway. I went to Taco bell for lunch today, and I saw a girl reading New Moon!!!!! So, Yay I'm not the only person in my town who likes Twilight. lol I know your probably wondering why post that? lol Well because it's my journal and I can post what I want. So, there. lol

Awesome!
But the question is did you talk to her?

Um I think I'm just not going to answer that. lol