Thoughts of the Broken Monster.

I wrote this in my spare time. So yeah...i'll keep adding to it as time goes on. Message me if you want to talk or have some question.



--part 1--
Regret

He closed the curtains and turned on his music. Wishing. Wishing. Wishing. No one to turn to but the only person who could understand him. Himself. He wanted someone body. Anybody. But that would require trust.Trust that he does not have to give. Trust he does not want to take, or break.

No being, of heaven or **** or earth or the suns and moons and the stars that surround, could save him now. He was at his own mercy. And mercy toward himself, was rare.

The thunder outside roared at him. The lightning showing its anger. The rain came pounding...

"It never changes." he whispered. "How come i can't?"

He turns the music up loader. Hoping to lock out the pain to come. The pain he knew he could not escape.

Monster... The voice began...

Monster...Monster...Vampire...Leech...MONSTER!!! It shrieked.

Tears fell from his eyes. "Its not my fault."

Oh...but isn't it? It was your actions. You did want power long ago, did you not? You wanted someone to understand. You wanted something. And got it.

He opened his eyes. The storm inside him seem to be reflected outside. "This is not what i wanted."

You have it, you can never get rid of it. It will haunt you the rest of your life. That is why i am here. To help you...

"Help me?" He scoffed. "Help? No, i don't need your help."

I gave you power, purpose, and pleasure. Abilities humans only wish they had. Gave you a place among others who need a strong leader. And gave you a strong leader that you abandoned. Jas-

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME!" He yelled to the voice. "I know what i am and what i have become. That means nothing anymore. I want to change."

The voice laughed. You can't change. The blood has run through your veins for a full decade. You are a stupid bloodsucker.

"Why does it matter anyway? I can change and live a normal life."

A human that must feed on blood? Yeah, that's normal.

"Why won't you leave me be?!?!"

The storm outside seems to grow quiet compared to the constant fight hidden from the world. The constant fight went on every night. Every night for years...

Where can a monster go when the world can't accept him, and when his kind or others like him reject him?

"Your God does not love you. Nor does the person that brought him to you, or the family to guide you or the family you live with. I do. I always do. And will. For eternity. The eternity that you have been given. Immortal, powerful, fast, wise, quick-witted. You are indestructible.

He lowered his head. The same way that he has done for 10 years. The same sign he was about to give in for the night, again.

Go out and hunt. Get some blood in you. You will feel much better.

"What if i hurt someone? No i won't. I Swore i would protect people with the curse i have to hold onto."

He grabbed his phone and texted a friend for help.

She won't help you. She hates you still. She wants her own leech. You can't find help in people who don't care about you.

He drops his phone. The tears streaming. Why could he not win? Why can't he be safe for one night? Why can't anyone he cares about stay close to him long enough for him to get the help he needs without leaving him?

The rain pours...his tears, the same.

I know your every thought. No one is going to call. No one is coming for you. No one can save you...

But me...

He picked up his knife. The blood now streaming with the tears and rain.

It won't save you.[i]

He watched the blood. The blood he might have stolen from a poor animal. The blood of a creature he had become.

And the night had only just begun...

and these are just a few thoughts from a lost creature. A hurt and sorrow filled beast. A sore and sorry guardian.

A broken monster.

--
Betrayal

I close the book and look to the sky. The waterfall built inside ready to spill.

How could he? Why?

He...Dog. How could Dog betray me? I thought he trusted me? I thought I could trust him?

But no. He had to go behind my back and hurt me worse then any other person could betray me. In a moment of low-defense, he took advantage of an innocent. And the Dog, that sneaky mutt, told the innocent to keep it from me. At one time, long ago it seems, i thought to give my heart to the innocent. But now they trust me none at all it seems.

So he broke 2 promises.

1. Stay away from the innocent and let my wounds heal and let me see if i can fix the problems.
2. Don't lie to me about it.

and he also lied twice about it and made others lie for him so i would not find out.

The Sneaky Mutt. The Liar. The Traitor. How Could he?!?!?!?

And how can the innocent one take and have your back when she KNOWS what you might do?!!?!? You can stay friends to Dog, but that does not mean he won't change! And why do you ABANDON ME?????

I knew i should never have let myself get so close to the Dog. I knew something was wrong. I never thought he would go behind my back and hurt me like that so.

If you read this know i only want the innocent one to be safe. And that the Dog needs to man-up and come clean to the rest of the pack about it.

And, Dog, if you read this:

Know this. I will be your friend ONLY if you come and ask for forgiveness and you abide by my terms. How the Holy-crap you managed to betray and avoid me about this is beyond me. Twombstone, i want you to know something. You can mess with me, you can't mess with the pack, and you cannot MESS with the innocent one. I swear if you use her like you used the others...The Pack will do something about it. This is not a threat, its a promise and a warning.

And innocent one, if you read this:

How could you take his side?? How could you lie to me for HIM??? How can you side with him??? HIM????? Over me...? Do i really deserve such a damnation from you that it involves u going after him?

Or do i just completely miss the point?

No. You just don't know how much it hurts me. Or care maybe.

Dog...i swear. If you do what you did again. I will personally talk to you about this and deal with you.

wow.. that's deep.. it all sounds familiar...your very good at putting your thoughts into story form..

woah.. that was really good Remi. your great =]

--part 3--

Inside the Fire...


I open my eyes again, only glimpsing and my happiness inside my head.

I turn quickly and turn on my CD player. Knowing a disturbance was soon to fill the air.

How could i still be haunted by this? its been almost 5 years, and it randomly likes to scream its pain at me.

Aura...

"Devon
Won't go to heaven
She's just another lost soul,
About to be mine again
Leave her
We will receive her
It is beyond your control
Will you ever meet again..."

The song hits me like a ton of bricks. Though, i wish the pain would be from a ton of bricks rather then this.

"Devon
Around 11
Who had been rendered unwhole
As a little child,
She was taken
And then forsaken
You will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again"

How could she just leave me here now? Leave me alone in this world? And how could it still hurt this bad. Poor Aura. How could you just die on me like that? How could you???

"Devon lies beyond this portal
Take the word of one immortal
Give your soul to me
For eternity
Release your life
To begin another time with her
End your grief with me
There's another way
Release your life
Take your place inside the fire with her!"

You know...you can still see her if you miss her that much?

And of course. If it was not bad enough, now i have the temptation.

"I could. But i have people that care about me here."

Like who? Your parents? Kelly? Daryl? McKenzie? Jacob? Your kidding right? How can you trust them?

"Because i love all my friends and family. Why wouldn't I?"

They don't deserve it. Humans. Traitors. Vermin.

"They are not, now leave me be."

And the music continues to play...

"Sever
Now and forever
You're just another lost soul about to be mine again
See her, you'll never free her
You must surrender it all
Would you like to meet again

Fire
All you desire
As she begins to turn cold and run out of time
You will shiver
Till you deliver
You will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again"

So? You want to die but won't do it yourself? And you want to burn, but be saved? You want to save her, but will die for her soul which you cannot save? How sad...

"You have no right to speak, beast!" I yell.

Let me help you...I can help you see her again."

"And send me straight to ****. Yeah, no thanks. God will care for her."

What about her soul?

"God will care for her."

God???? He laughs. God does not care about demons and beasts like us. And he won't forgive her.

"You know nothing."

The words of the song still echo within the confines of my head.

"Devon lies beyond this portal
Take the word of one immortal
Give your soul to me
For eternity
Release your life
To begin another time with her
End your grief with me
There's another way
Release your life
Take your place inside the fire with her

Give your soul to me
For eternity
Release your life
To begin another time with her
End your grief with me
There's another way
Release your life
Take your place inside the fire with her"

You won't save her.

"Not my job."

She is doomed to the fire...forever.

You have already lost her...

And you would not save her...

"Devon
Around 11
Who had been rendered unwhole
As a little child
She was taken,
And then forsaken
You will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again "

And with the ending of the song, he recites the last word along, and laughs afterword...

"Burn..."

that song relates to me in so many ways as in the girl part... Inside the Fire is an excellent spng.. you writings to match it are truly great! =]]

--Hidden--

(this one is short and i will add onto it later)

I my wrist bleed again. Why I cut myself this time, I know not. The red life-stream. An Immortals drink. Blood. Sucking my wound, I becomes entranced again. Even though it is mine, it is still a wonderful sensation overdrive and amplifier. How masochistic. To be amazed by the taste of ones own blood. How I wish It would go away. How I wish I could not worry for just one day, without having this try and take me over.

I run into the shadow of the forest, shadows hidden by the trees in the moonlight. The snow gently falling. I hide myself by my tree. The only place I feel safe. A place that made the world seem to slow to a stop and it to slowly disappear for a time. The wind blew harder. The cold became biting. Not that I cared, the cold seemed to be trying to help numb a darker part in me. A part of me, that made my blood run colder then ice, and turned my heart to stone.

The moon and my companion, and the tree as my shelter. The wind as a sensation, the cold as my morphine. The snow as the beauty, the shade my cover.

"Alone."

Why when the world stops or the time i need someone the most, i am afraid to call out to anyone or no one is there to help anyways? Why would it matter? Everyone should leave the little monster alone anyways...

"Remi...." I say to myself. "Calm down...its ok that tonight i've fallen and cannot get up." Trying to tell myself that everything that was missing inside me was ok. What a sad lie.

I look up towards the cloudy sky of the night, and remembered, no matter where she is, she is looking at me from the stars above somewhere. Always remembering that the stars are holding her...
A tear fell from my eye, and realized that she was still gone, and that i had been hoping that she would pop up out of no where.

But i knew she would not. I knew she could not ever come back.

Is this the feeling of 'the end'? Where all you want to do is die?

"No..." he sobbed. "I'm just....alone."

(music you might wanna listen to while you read this)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moOwsMoyFP0&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfSXeF-PZHY&feature=PlayList&p=BA2B612E11E15F93
and best of all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gDjcfCp5nU


What makes me wrong? What makes me bad? What makes me not good enough? I asked someone these once, and i got a very strange response...

"You don't having anything wrong with you, its just that you live and your in peoples way. You exist, like everyone else. Your no different, or special, or powerful, or smart. Your just you, like everyone else, and thats the problem."

This makes little sense to me. It sounded as if he was speaking out of hate, rather then give a reasonable response.

And i know a good answer for my questions.

We all exist in this world. You might be Black, you might be White, or Asian, or something else. You might believe in God, you might not. You might be a democrat, you might be a republican. You may like the color red or blue, or any other color out there for your own reasons...

We all exist, and we share a life here. I have come to realize that nothing you do in this life with go on without an effect around you(good or bad) And i have 2 examples of this.

1. Jesus(Christ) of Nazareth. He went and told people about God, showed them His love through himself. He prayed for people who should never have deserved it. He helped open the eyes of so many, and show them true love. He saved some many people from their own inner demons that it really is astounding. Stories, tales, records, and eye witness accounts also say he was able to heal the blind, the sick, the deaf and mute. And, long story short, he was killed for this, because the Roman Empire was afraid of one man. They were afraid that enough people would rise up against them and join this "King of the Jews" and would crush the Roman Empire. Jesus of Nazareth died a good and wonderful, kind and loving, giving and sacrificing, man. The effects of his works can be see even to this day.

2. Sweeney Todd(Benjamin Barker)-The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. He was sent to jail and left to die after a corrupt judge decided he was going to take Benjamin Barkers wife. Years after Benjamin escaped from prison, he made his way back to London, only to find out that his Wife was killed(or so he thought) by the Judge Turpin, and that the judge had his daughter. Sweeney then goes into a blind, rage-filled, vengeful, killing spree. Disguising himself as a barber and (with the help of his friend, Mrs. Lovett.) was able to dispose of the bodies of the innocent people he killed. In the end, during a wild encounter, he ended up killing his wife (Mrs. Lovett lied to him to make him think that she was dead, so she could have him), killing the judge, and almost killing his own daughter(not knowing it was her), so he could get revenge against the Judge. Blinded by hate and revenge, he also killed Mrs. Lovett for lying to him. It came to pass, that a boy that Mrs. Lovett cared for and who worked for her ended up getting revenge for the death of Mrs. Lovett, and killed Sweeney Todd. Ending his deadly, maddening, psychotic killing spree.

Jesus went to Save. Sweeney for Revenge.
In the end, Jesus died for loving and saving. People still follow him and his works to this day.
Sweeney Todd died because of his rage and vengeance Blindly killing people, and ended up dying from someone else wanting revenge...

These works and these people show that what you put out, you will also give back.

If you go out of your way to help people, someone WILL remember.
If you go out of your way to hurt people, someone WILL remember.

No matter what you do in life, it's always important to remember that what you do, or not do, for others will affect your life. Its not as simple as everyone makes it out to be. 'You do this to someone, and someone will find out,' true but it is deeper then that. It affects people who hear about it, who feel it, who see it, who touch the very edge of something that you do. Your world is shaped by the things, deeds, and works you do. "What you sow, you shall also reap."

Going out of your way to harm, steal, hurt, get revenge against, get back at, pick on, bully, kill, hate, or lie will have negative consequences in your life.

If you go out of your way and try and do good for others, try to save a life, place a life before yours, give freely, smile at someone even when the joke is stupid, pick someone up when they fall down, comfort someone who feels lost or who is hurt, simply being there(sometimes, when no one else is, might just be enough to help that person. I had to learn this lesson the hard way) or simply defending them when no one else will, will have good and positive affects in your life.

Nothing we do has 'no effect'. Even when we chose NOT to do something, we still affect someones life by NOT being there.

Everything you do in life will have an affect in this world. Remember to do everything, no matter how big or small, with great care and concern.

I would now like to bring some song lyrics for you to think on:

If today was your last day-Nickelback

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each days a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
Whats worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts cause theres no second try
So live like youll never live it twice
Dont take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one youre dreamin of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know its never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
Cause you cant rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one youre dreamin of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day


-Remington-

thats a nice concept to think on Remi. You have a good point.. that was really cool. and those lyrics... are absolutely amazing, thats one of my favorite songs actually. its nice to see someone else likes it as well. and your not the only one that thinks like that :DD

XxRenesmeexxCarliexX wrote:thats a nice concept to think on Remi. You have a good point.. that was really cool. and those lyrics... are absolutely amazing, thats one of my favorite songs actually. its nice to see someone else likes it as well. and your not the only one that thinks like that :DD

its nice to finally get a comment on this...it took me forever to write, cause i could not get it just right...

I'm glad to know i am not the only one who thinks like this, i just wish that i could get this message out there to people better. Oh well.

ahh. hm. maybe you should print it out. make a bunch of copies and stand on a bridge or something like they do in the music vid. for that song, and throw them to the public!. its not illegal

LOL maybe i should do that XD. Thanks for cheering me up.

haha no problem Remi hehe it would be cool. and if i can find a weekend to actually hang out with you *sad face cause i miss you* than i will totally help, if you want help. haha it sounds fun