The Mind Of the HalfBreed

Sunday April 19th, 2009 (you all knew tht anyways)

Its been two days. Two days since my life has been stripped. Two days since the most important thing im my life walked away. Two days since i could feel anyone here, including myself. Two days of trying to convince myself that he isnt worth all the tears and silent screams i put out. Two days as a beginning of nothing to feel but numbness with a side of sadness and deep anger,rising slowly like a creeping shadow barely making its way down the wall right before night fully swallows us. Two days of regret and feeling slightly confused on what i "did" to deserve the damage this creature has already done... what has he done... what have i done in return??? nothing. thats all i can and will do about it is nothing... what am i supposed to do but just sit in the back for him and fight for each breath just waiting till he's falling. When the most important thing in my life is in danger i must fight and save it... i have this feeling... that this creature is part of my present and definitly my future, so therefor protection is needed to help him.. i cannot just sit around and watch them come after me and him... mating season has begun and the time has arrived where the hybrids fight for their rights as mates, us females sit backand relax, no big deal, then the scents hit my nose like a thousand razors. Blood. One has been killed. One of us... I smell again knowing that no only am i lucky with who i am, my other "gift" gives me the capability to smell things at least 70 seconds before the strongest of noses.. it makes me feel sort of proud.. to bad i often dismiss my "gift".... either way..... i run towards the scent not caring who is watching.. somebody familiar has fallen tonight and i have a bad feeling about it... i arrive at the scene, two men unnatural as can be, were there killing my mother.. i yank the beast off of her, furiouse... the men scram... i sit there with my bare;\ly breathong mother.................................... if you wanna here what happens nest let me know.. lol.

i wanna know what happens.. this sounds interesting...

i write short stories so my journaling will be random stories. The next post will continue the previous one. =]

2)

As my mother sits ther panting she looks at me fearfully. This confuses me. Oh right im still morphed, crap. I release my mother and mrph back even though she does not know who i am. She looks at me when i change back to myself, the self she knows. I look at her with tears in my eyes and anger flooding across my face.
"you must not avenge me honey. they ment no harm"
"yes i must". my voice booms through the forest like a thoudsand trees falling and thunder crashing in a hurricane.
I have a female high pitched voice,that of which terrifies people when i use the Alpha part of it."I grab my mother in my arms and hold her. She reaks of death. I try to keep her consious long enough for the other to arrive. Where were they!!! I call out a huge howl. Where is my pack.
"Baby my beautifull Princessa i must go, it time for me." my mom speaks smiling
"no mom mom please you cant dont dont go no!" I shrieked like a two year old.
"Be strong for me my beauty, take care of your sister, make me happy, i love you, and im always here, remember that." my mother reaches up and kisses me with her bloody lips and then her breathing and heartbeat stops as she falls back down onto my lap gently.
Just like that, my mother died.

Thats when the thought hit me.
Me and my mother live alone with my new baby sister Kiki, who is only 3 months old.
And if my mother was here, than Kiki was at home alone.
With two undeads running around.
Hungry.

Wow. You're really good.

3)

I sit there like an idiot, than force my legs to move and shift.
"Crap.." i say silently.

My pack gets there and sees me holding my mother.

"oh no......Z... im so sorry.." Ty murmors to me as he morphs back.

" It doesnt matter at this moment. Take this body. I have to get my sister." I snarled

He takes my mothers body, and i tear away form any touch on my arm he could have tried to give. I take off running not caring whats going on. My sister was at home alone. Just a baby. I tear through the forest and arrive at my house noticing the door is open.

i morph back and pad on my fours up to the door. i walked in and saw one of the beast holding my sister. I snarl and he jumps back dropping her in fear.

I move fast and catch her in my paw. She is so little. I set her down gently and stalk towards the disgusting creature.

The creature smells my scent.

"your not a werewolf are you" he hissed with my mother's blood running down his mouth.
"think again you bloodsucking monter, im a halfbreed with a curse."

"what is a halfbreed?" he asked intruiged.
suddenly anger infilled me and i ended the nasty things life.
"Nothing you will ever find out." i replied smirking.

I looked back to my sister covered in her own mother's blood, as well as mine. There were two undeads, apparently the other one has left on fear. i took my little sister into the bathroom with me and set her in a bin to keep her still. I moved back to the bin and helped her into my arms when i had morphed to my human form. She looked at me and smiled..
"Come on Kiki loo lets get you clean" i said smiling.

Then i felt a presence.
Its just my pack.
I sighed in relief.

"Let me help you Z." Ty said.
"ok, i'm gonna take a shower, get her clean please." i sighed.

When i got in the shower i realized something,
Me and my sister have no other family and im only 16.
I am alone with a baby in high school.
Only two words registered and yet scared me at the same time.
Alone, and Baby

Wow. Intense.

woww....
sorry i havent been writing in my journal thing lately i have had alot going on at home and school....

he has been tore out of my hands once again.
only this time for good.
I would rather have to deal with him tearing my heart out and burning the peices daily
Than to have to handle this suffering.
But no.
I had to suffer more.
So he's moving,
And im stuck here wondering what went wrong
What i did
To all these little tears streming from my eyes

Tears are falling
Like the blood from his veins
The silent wispers
And despair takes reign

My heart it shatters
Like a pointed knife
Pushing in and out of my heart
Pleading to end my life

The wind it carries
All of the pain
Out of his heart
And in mine again

The sorrow is bliss
To easy compare
To the simple but painfull memories
Of his eyes and his hair

Surrounding and Dark
The night closes in
It pulls through my soul
As if i commited sin

this life has met hour
no one save the tower
so shining knights fail to win.

tonight is the last goodbye.

snap, you should really write a book... you have incredible talent...

thank you =]]
you make me feel so much better.
I do write books.
And i am thinking of things for the books.Alot happens with school and such so its hard for me to do all this.

XxRenesmeexxCarliexX wrote:he has been tore out of my hands once again.
only this time for good.
I would rather have to deal with him tearing my heart out and burning the peices daily
Than to have to handle this suffering.
But no.
I had to suffer more.
So he's moving,
And im stuck here wondering what went wrong
What i did
To all these little tears streming from my eyes

Heh... I just got done crying less than five minutes ago over something similar to this. Des, I'm moving to Florida in a month... I'll never get to see the person I love most in this world, either.... You're not alone. At least you still have your friends here. He's the one who left. And me, I won't have any friends there, just like him.

i understand completely.
truly i do

Wanting what you can't have.
Its like being too deep in water
Struggling to get to the light.
Your scared you'll never reach the surface
And you panic
Normally you float to the top and calm down
You float up because the water lets you
But not me
Not ever
I panic and plead to be let go of
But as always i have to be harmed
The waters deep green eyes pull me back selfishly deeper in the water
I am to never rise up again
Eventually i lose my breath and control.
I drown

This is a song i wrote and i think i did fairly good =]



Bloody Love and Broken Glass

Broken Roses bring silent tears
Silent cries bring blood for fears
Everytime you take a breath
My friend razor aids in slipping me death

juliet will eternally sleep
While Romeo will cut too deep
Blooby love and broken glass
Taking your soul and heart so fast


Chorus:
Slit your wrists to feel the pain
Pain you can control
Feel the razor turning churning
Slpping life from your soul
Its just a price you pay
A simply measly price
All you need something sharp
To take away your life
Its the bloody love... and the broken glass

A fallen angel breaks his wings
Falls to the ground and cry
He takes his heart and places on his wings
He screams bloody tears up tp the sky

Tears start slipping
blood starts leaking
His arms are going numb
His eyes will fluttwe
His voice will stutter
His death has now begun

Chorus twice and then a final instrumental breathrough,

that's sooo sad... and bloody..lol... but great writing...

lol thanks its an old song i wrote =] i like it its just emo

Crescent Moon Lullaby

I look at the moon
And a raven passes by

What can i do
To sing the lullaby

A silver flash
And the star in both skies

What do you see now
When you look in my eyes

Creative ways
Unending lies

Unbreakable tears
Unhearable cries

The night it seems lone
When the raven passes by

I look at the moon
You sing the lullaby

My Home

She is workin again
Another day alone

I wonder off in daze
Thinking of my "home"

Its where i see my fears
Im no longer okay

Its where my heart rests numb
Where the cold will stay

The feeling of being alone
Never ceases to exist

Endless times to myself
Neverending lists

So do i have a home
Or is it just a strange cold place?

That simple question is all i am asking, Am i crazy for being who i am AM i ansane for liking him> I mean its just some weird crazy feeling i get, its like im calm and collectivly standing still in time when i see him in the mornings. He makes my stomach jump everytime he speaks. When his name is mentioned, i automatically tune in an listen, even though i keep my mouth shut and my eyes focused on something different. I dont like showing i care for the very reason of showing my weakness. I like him. I mean all these thoughts are in my head wanting to scream out loud and i just want to tell them t o him in person.. he already knows i like him but i just wanna look at him and say "hey! she doesnt care at all, and if she does, i do more.. or i know i do... or i think.. god you flippin confuse me!"

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self–disconnected from me in that second–snip, snip, snip–and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee-Jacob Black

So...


Can i ask the questions of life and such here without being yelled at...



I mean as i am standing with the one i love in the mornings all i can think of in the back of my head is how bad i wanna tell him wats going on at home and god how i just want to cry and let him hold me... but thats the hard thing to do you know....to be weaker around the one you love, its rather imposible sometimes....

I mean...

I dont want to move.

And even the very thought of having to is a huge threat.

Why should i be tore away from all my life.

Cause i swear to God...

If i move i will kill myself.

This place, my love, my friends... they are the only thing that keep my breathing and if i have to be tore away from them than i guess the meaning "pry it form my cold dead fingers" will come true.

Well, i have 2 bits of advice to you.

1. Don't kill yourself, it helps NO ONE.
2A. If you move, it would not be the worst thing possible. Its a chance for a new world to see and new people to me and new enemies to butt heads with. Its a way that we grow. But it is without the place and people you care about.
2B. If you don't you get to keep the thing you feel better with, but you will not grow in the same way you would out away from 'home'.

I know it would be hard. But sometimes, things in life just happen. I Wish there was a better way to explain this, but there is not.

When I went to Bradley High School for the first time, i was scared at first, and alone. But then i made friends, and i began to feel at home. And believe it or not, i kinda miss school.

It was new for me. But it was also a BIG change and chance in my life. Though we may not like it, change can be the best for us...

it would be easier for me Remi believe me. but if i truly are made to go, it will be all the way to Massasuckitimarichkid (Massachusettes or howeever you spell it).. i dont wanna go. and i know it helps you grow as a person but i dont wanna leave yet.

I wanna leave for the north when im 18, not yet!